“What we know matters but who we are matters more” – Brene Brown

Can you identify with asking yourself time and time again, ‘why do I kept this person in my life when they make me feel the way I do when I am around them?’

Only you can take responsibility for who you allow to impact on your mental health and wellbeing as an adult. To begin reflecting on your thoughts let us look at the meaning of Authenticity!

Brene Brown states authenticity is not something we have. It is a practice of making a conscious choice of how we want to live. Authenticity is a collection of choices that we need to make every day. It is about the choice you take to show up and be real, honest and allow our true self to be seen.

“If you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment and inexplicable grief.” Brene Brown

So how often do you feel you can be your true authentic self?

What questions may be coming up for you so far?


“Why do I have a tendency to people please and rescue others from distress when it really isn’t my responsibility?”

“How can I go on my path without others influencing me that their opinions and beliefs are more valid than mine?”

Learning to reflect and process your ways of thinking enables you to become more assertive. Which then gives you an opportunity to be more compassionate to yourself when you are around others. I have been reading an informative book titled,

‘How Kind People Get Tough, by Marlene Rose Shaw which looks at helpful ways to be assertive so you can feel more confident and happier within your relationships.

Chapter 4 in the book is on rejection from the tribe.

Can you think back to the last time you felt a rejection from someone else?

Once you begin to notice what triggers you into our threat system where you experience anxiety, frustration, anger, sadness or disgust you are then able to respond healthier within your connections with others as your authentic self.

Okay, you know we have evolved from social animals like mammals and our ancestors survived in tribes for protection, right?

So, from the drive system, our intent is to establish and maintain healthy relationships with others, but it can feel tricky when you have experienced rejection, abuse or you feel you have been treated unfairly. Trust issues creep in and you can become defensive.

Accepting people happily into your tribe takes a conscious choice to establish healthy boundaries, maintain good communications and know how to soothe one another compassionately and respectfully.

If you experience difficulties communicating with others and would like an opportunity to learn more about healthy ways to communicate, interact and respond to others when you feel it’s a tricky situation then get in touch to find out how I can help you make healthy changes to be your authentic self.

Maggie Murray

Maggie Murray

I’m a registered member of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy, Reg MBACP (Accred). I work from a pluralistic perspective rather than humanistic perspective as I am identifying with that terminology after further training.

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