Neuroscience research shows us that human beings are hard-wired to belong. Being part of a tribe or community gives us a sense of safety and security.
However, through difficult life experiences—such as bereavement, loss, trauma, or relational breakdowns—we can lose those vital connections. Family members, friends, colleagues, neighbours, or even once-safe places may feel distant or inaccessible. These disconnections can trigger anxiety, fear, or unease, leaving us feeling emotionally unsafe or mistrustful of others.
Therapy provides a supportive, confidential space for self-discovery and reflection. As a qualified Psychotherapist and counsellor based in Lincoln, I help individuals explore their emotional needs, develop self-compassion, and rediscover the value of healthy human connections.
Belonging vs. Fitting In
Author and researcher Brené Brown describes the difference between belonging and fitting in:
“The opposite of belonging is fitting in. We should never be asked to change who we are to fit in, but instead be invited to be who we truly are.”
— Brené Brown, June 2023
I deeply agree with this. Trying to change yourself to fit in can lead to psychological distress. True belonging and self-worth aren’t conditional—they live in our hearts.
“The truth about who we are lives in our hearts.”
— Brené Brown, October 2017
My Personal Experience with Belonging
I once worked as a counsellor within an organisation where I didn’t feel emotionally safe. The communication and decision-making from senior colleagues felt manipulative and controlling. These experiences had a serious impact on my mental health and self-worth. Over time, I began to lose my sense of self.
Leaving that organisation was one of the hardest decisions I’ve made. I had built strong friendships and professional relationships there. However, with the support of trusted colleagues who understood the dynamics at play, I was able to grieve, process, and move forward.
Trusting again was difficult, but I chose to prioritise my wellbeing. Sometimes, walking away from a ‘tribe’ that no longer feels safe is the most courageous and healing step we can take.
Have You Experienced This Too?
Have you ever felt a shift in your connection with your support system? A group or relationship that once brought comfort may now feel unsafe or unfamiliar?
In 1943, psychologist Abraham Maslow introduced his Theory of Human Motivation, shaping the future of psychology. One key idea from his hierarchy of needs is “belongingness”—the essential human need for connection, acceptance, and community.
“Belonging not only affects our emotional wellbeing but also our physical health. Our need for meaningful connection is rooted deeply in our nature.”
— Psychology Today, April 2023
Counselling in Lincoln: A Safe Space to Reconnect
In my therapy practice in Lincoln, I offer a compassionate space for you to explore your experiences of connection, loss, and personal growth. Together, we can look at where you feel safe, supported, and truly seen—whether that’s in relationships, community, nature, or within yourself.
My own journey through distress taught me valuable lessons about human behaviour, resilience, and the importance of being met with empathy. Now, I work to offer that same empathy and compassion to every client and supervisee I support.
If you’re ready to take steps toward improving your emotional and mental wellbeing, I will meet you with care, admiration, and non-judgement. Therapy can help you reconnect with your self-worth, autonomy, and sense of purpose.
You are not alone. It only takes a message or call to begin your journey.
“A few good words don’t just make your day, but they also give the sense of belonging and confidence to take the next big step forward.”
— Ravi Shastri
